If I had just 30 seconds to pass on the copywriting secrets I've learned the hard way over the last 50-odd years, it would be this:
Broadly, I follow the prescriptions laid down by George Orwell in his essay, "Politics and the English Language"
1. Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
(e.g.) "At the end of the day" rather than "in the end"; "Put it to the acid test" rather than "test thoroughly".
2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
(e.g.) " buy " rather than " Purchase "; " wrote" rather than " authored ", "changed, not "transitioned".
3. If you can cut a word out, always do so.
(e.g.) "Miss out on" should be "miss"; "male personnel" should be "men"; "for free" is free.
4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.
A biblical example would be "Abel was slain by Cain" becomes "Cain slew Abel".
Or, from a typical business document, "We are concerned that should this recommendation be turned down, the charity's revenues will be adversely affected" should be "We believe you must act on this recommendation to maintain the charity's revenues"
5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent. (There is more dire jargon in business than anywhere else).
(e.g.) "Interface" is better as "talk with"; "your core competences" is better as "what you do best".
6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
There are other rules for good writing, many formulated by an American called Rudolph Flesch, who spent a lot of time in the 1940's researching what makes writing easier to read.
The simplest is, make your sentences as short as possible. The easiest sentence to read is only eight words long. Any sentence more than 32 words long is quite hard for people to take in.
It seems that because most people are either lazy or plain stupid, they tend to forget what happened at the beginning of the sentence by the time they get to the end.
The same principle applies to paragraphs.
If you read a writer like Hemingway you will notice his words, sentences and paragraphs are remarkably short. In any piece of popular fiction or a popular newspaper, this is true. They are written for people who are not clever, or not concentrating.
There's a gizmo on Microsoft word that gives you a readability rating based on Flesch's research.
That was a long Elevator ride, wasn't it?
If you've enjoyed these snippets so far, give my membership club a go. What have you got to lose?
Best
Drayton
Great advice as always Drayton. However… shouldn’t point 5 be ‘talk to’ not ‘talk with’? Or is that for your US followers?
All the best, Roger.
I suspect both are correct. Anyhow, 60% of the people on my list are from outside the UK. The only thing I really hate is the sheer drivel that people trot out.
As for #5 … the issue of “talk with” versus “talk to” should be quite simple. Is it a DIALOGUE? (Then you’re talking WITH.) Or is it an address? (Then you’re talking TO.) When I MEAN to have a back-and-forth with someone, I always tell them I would like to talk (or “speak”, more often) with them. I believe this makes them feel, unconsciously, more “included”.
To be honest, I don’t think it matters that much. I am more worried by people who say interact or converse with.
Point 3. Is free rather than for free. I seem to write the latter. Thank you for the snipetts .
Talk with means having a conversation with another person
Talk to means that you are addressing another person who may not respond
A subtle difference: ‘talk to’ is essentially a monologue while ‘talk with’ is a dialogue.
I was always taught that ‘talk to’ implies you are instructing someone, ‘talk with’ is better as it implies a conversation, that you are not talking down to someone, but really listening and engaging with them to.
Great advice.
I found that sometimes jargon can make copy pull better if you’re targeting a highly passionate niche. We did a salesletter for a product for programmers. When we injected lots of jargon it pulled a better response.
What’s your opinion on that? Any guidelines when jargon might be worth testing?
I believe that when writing to specialised audiences you should use their language – enough to prove that you are in the know.
I don’t think that you should use too much, nor that you should use too many long words or passive constructions, which make sentences dull and longer than necessary.
In one of my books I quote George Bernard Shaw: The golden rule is, there is no golden rule.
I would love to be apprised onf any thoughts, comments, research on this topic. VCery timely as I havefound that using industry jargon is less thandesirable, but I can how to a point,it may be important to ensure the reader knows you speak their language!I found that sometimes jargon can make copy pull better if you’re targeting a highly passionate niche. We did a sales letter for a product for programmers. When we injected lots of jargon it pulled a better response.
What’s your opinion on that? Any guidelines when jargon might be worth testing?
Oops! Did not mean to hit the send button before checking for typos in my last post!
Always use enough jargon to proves to insiders that you know what it’s all about. I do actually talk about that in seminars. I don’t talk about my crap typing which is probably worse than yours:-)
Hi, Copywriting Kid,
I think in that case I would call it “slang” iso “jargon”.
Each area of interest has those…?
Basketball is b-ball for instance.
Excellent resource: The Reader Over Your Shoulder.
I enjoyed that!
I agree about the jargon – I hate acronyms too . I’m currently researching an (agricultural) article, but have to keep looking back to find what DOC (dissolved organic carbon) and AMF (arbuscular mycorrhyzal fungus) mean. Why can’t the author just write the words?
Among the very worst sinners are marketing people.
But there is a reason why people use jargon and acronyms – well, three in fact.
One is just for convenience. I mean, fancy having to come out with the mouthful you get from the full UNESCO.
Another is because many of the originals sound such total pretentious bollocks.
The third is a form of boasting. It is to show that you’re in the know. This makes insiders feel good and is supposed to make outsiders feel inferior.
In most cases, though, it makes them think “what a load of tossers.”
I do have a guideline for when to use jargon for specialist audiences.
Use just enough to make them feel that you, too, are one of the in-crowd – and no more.
By coincidence I was writing an elevator pitch for our new business when this email arrived, what do people think? Has a Flesch score of 66.5, thanks for that tip!
The Elevator pitch for Introduce 4 Money
We know Suppliers look for more sales.
We know Introducers look for more revenue streams and to get paid for their valuable referrals.
We are bringing the two together via our web site, Introduce 4 money.
We vet our suppliers for great service, great prices and great commissions.
Most of our suppliers will provide a commission for the life of the client and not just one off fees. This enables Introducers to keep earning even when they stop working.
We also offer a full money back guarantee for both Suppliers and Introducers.
I’m a bit busy off to catch a plane but
1. Try to shorten it. E. g. we are bringing = we bring. Never use one word or syllable more than you need
2. Try eliminating “business” phrases like revenue streams. Revenue on its own is enough. Income may be even better
3. Try rephrasing it simply and more personally: Looking for more sales?
4. Sell and simplify: Eg We pay money for introductions. (If that’s what you do). You don’t have to sell (if that’s true).
5. Show it someone relevant who knows nothing about it and ask if they understand
Best
Drayton
Drayton
Hi, Marcus King,
That is very interesting…
I will have a look at the website.
Drayton…
I am curious if you think the following exercise is valuable with regard to making writing more readable. Or if you have a better method.
My first assumption is that I can trust the Flesch reading score in MS Word. I have on occasion taken pieces from top copywriters or ads and run them by that tool — they don’t really score all that high.
My exercise…
I have done this a number of times, and though time consuming, it appears to make a difference.
First, I run the piece through Flesh in MS Word. Then I reread looking for longer sentences or one’s that seem to have bigger words. I then run the sentence through Flesh. Then I rewrite it and check the comparative scores.
In a piece today I found that changing “revenues” “sales” greatly improved the score…
What’s your input on the exercise or other recommendation?
I don’t use Flesch (not Flesh); I really take far more account of George Orwell’s advice in his Essay on Politics and the English language. But I have been doing the following for so long that it is automatic.
1. Shorten long words, paragraphs and and sentences.
2. Cut out words whenever possible
3. Use the active not the passive: this also shortens things.
4. Get rid of jargon, pompous drivel, cliches and business-speak.
5. Put words and phrases at the start of sentences to keep people reading.
6. As a rule do not repeat the same words close to each other.
7. Eliminate apostrophes which creep in so easily – e.g. it is ones, not one’s
8. Pop in odd words to provoke curiosity.
9. Make sure there are lots of “you” words and very few “I” ones.
10. Try to surprise people.
I’m printing this list off and pinning it to my computer. Thank you.
Why no apostrophes? I would have thought they make language less formal, eliminate words.
I was a bit damn vague there. Sorry.
I meant don’t put in apostrophes where there shouldn’t be any, and don’t omit them where there should.
In the ’80’s, to try to discipline my semi-literate copywriters I used to put up a sign on our noticeboard- regularly – headed:
It’s the baboon sitting on its arse.
That little line manages to make clear the distinction between it’s and its.
No apostrophes is not a good idea.
There is another nasty practice, the use of needless quotation marks, which is popular among the illiterate.
Thus they write this is the “best” whatever.
When you put those quotation marks round a word it suggests you don’t mean what you say.
Regarding apostrophes they are not required in dates, it’s 1940s not 1940’s.
I often get that wrong.
With the possessive pronoun – i.e. referring to something which belongs to someone – we would say “being led astray by one’s gullibility” rather than “ones”. “Ones” without the apostrophe would only be used in cases where, for instance, we were speaking of bruised bananas and identifying them as “bad ones”.
Great insights, Drayton – many thanks.
Hi Drayton,
Great post. Thanks. However, I broke much of those rules today, in what I shall call a test.
One of my colleagues has a hideous monkey statuette that he wanted to throw away. For some reason he placed the thing on my desk to be freaked out by.
Then I had an idea. I’ll try to sell the piece of junk online!
I wrote a few paragraphs, took a few pics and posted it online ( http://johannesburg.olx.co.za/sculpture-for-sale-serious-buyers-only-iid-598129402 )
We received a phone call! I couldn’t believe it!
I tried speaking to the lady who showed interest, but I broke out in laughter at the weirdness of the matter. I didn’t expect anyone would take it seriously, and yet this woman was willing to part with her money for this hideous thing. Granted, she wanted to pay less, but she was willing to pay!
I think it was a case of me using (non-sensical) words strung together in such a way as to make it sound very deep.
We’re keeping the monkey. It’ll be our “Salesman of the month” trophy from now on.
At what point does sentence structure become cryptic? (What I think)
real question. When is a sentence cryptic? (What I mean)
Based on your article sentence 1 contains unnecessary words.
Sentence 2 lacks information. Yes?
I imagine both structure and content can be cryptic. Howe do you know if it is? If people can’t understand.
Who was it that said:
“If I had had more time I would have written less.”
Blaise Pascal
Winston Churchill
You mean as in “Use sinple words everyone knows?”
You mean as in “Use sinple words everyone knowns?”
Apostrophes: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
No question – just gratitude for (and interest in) the responses!
So happy to find you Drayton. Your advice is encouraging me to continue my quest. There is a future for correctly written English.
Thank your for the mini course Drayton !
Great points drayton, thank you, I will be checking mine from now on
These are definitely the rules to follow. I use Flesch lightly, it can throw up some good insight on dull copy as a start. I find reading the copy out loud is a great way to find the crap in it. If you can’t say it naturally, it’s got a problem you need to work on.
For me, the ideal communication – elevator pitch, product or service description, request or whatever – is something I can deliver over a poor quality phone line to someone running for a plane. And get a response before they board and switch off their mobile.
Gina, one of the clearest, attention-grabbing definitions of a good style read lately.
Thanks for this Drayton. I’m new to the game, writing copy for a friend’s website. I just did a quick CTRL-F to search for the words “was” and “by” to identify passive voice. I edited to active voice and it reads better now. Great tips.
Flesch scores the readability of a text by calculating average sentence length (in words per sentence) and average word length (in syllables per word). Tampering with a text to raise the score does not necessarily raise readability because sentences start sounding artificial.
You’d better start anew telling the reader what you want to say.
Great tips, thank you.
Would you say in a copywriter’s elevator’s pitch the same Gary Bencivenga sais half laughing in his retirement workshop, that you know all about how businesses make more money (it’s not a qoute)?