7 copywriting sins that strangle sales

Ever heard of "Reason why" copy? Watch this 7 minute video and start using it today:

(Taken from AskDrayton.com)

If you don’t know much about copywriting, here are seven powerful reasons to start finding out before it’s too late

A friend who trains people is so good that Jay Conrad Levinson – the world-famous Guerrilla marketing guru - says you should read every word he writes and listen to every word he says.

Pretty good recommendation, right?

And it gets better. One big firm got a contract worth £500 million after his training – not the only example, but a spectacular one.

Sadly, though, these achievements are not enough for him to get the business he deserves and works hard for.

That’s because the copy on his website is so bad that most people never discover such tremendously good reasons to pick up the phone and call him.

Those reasons are lost on that website. They are buried way down the page after paragraphs of boastful waffle and jargon. People will never read them. They will have given up. The result? He is not enjoying the success he should. It is tragic.

Why should you care, dear reader?

Because quite simply, the cheapest, easiest, fastest way to improve your business is just to persuade more people to buy.

That means better copy. Copy that persuades not bores or mystifies – in your emails, in your advertising, on your website, on your sales-letters. Everywhere.

I have seen two words in an email increase response by 50%. Three months ago some emails my colleagues wrote got a return on investment of 11875.5 to 1. Years ago one writer found that simply changing the headline in an ad got 19.5 times more sales.

Just to get you started here are seven deadly sins that are strangling many businesses – I would say most, actually.

1. Talking about yourself instead of your customer.

All your prospects want to know is “what are you going to do for me?”

They don’t give a hoot in hell about your mission statement, your clever new slogan, how many offices you have, how many people you employ and all that malarkey.

This sin is not confined to small firms that know nothing of marketing or communication. It is alarmingly common among people who should know better – particularly advertising agencies.

There is a simple measure. The more times you use words like you, your and yours rather than words like us, we and ours, the better it is likely to be.

2. Failing to make your point fast. If you don’t grab people very quickly news of a benefit for them, you’re in trouble.

Our attention span is dwindling every year. How long does it take you to lose interest on a website? Probably 2 or 3 seconds. The same applies to your prospects.

Often you can remove or savagely cut the first two or three paragraphs of your copy, lose nothing and gain in attack.

3. Using fancy language. Short words, short, lively sentences, no pompous business jargon – that’s what you should aim for. It should read like someone is talking. In fact it’s a good idea to read it out loud, as many people read things in their heads.

4. Failure to quantify the benefit. Don’t be vague. Be specific. People are drowning in promises. They are sceptical. Don’t tell me I’ll get rich or lose weight. Tell me how rich or slim. And how fast.

5. Relying on logic rather than emotion.
People – including business people – make decisions for emotional reasons, then find logical excuses for what they want to do. Determine what the emotional triggers are – e.g. I want to be loved or admired - before you worry about the logic.

6. Trying to be clever. Beware of things you think are ingenious, funny or clever. This is a huge temptation, as it is hard to have ideas, and when we have a clever one we tend to be very pleased with ourselves. You are likely to have a flop on your hands. If people want to be entertained, they watch TV. Your business is selling. Don’t be funny about serious things – and vice versa.

7. Not giving every sensible reason to buy – and overcoming every objection. People find this hard to believe, but most copy is too short. Every reason to buy you omit, every possible objection to buying ignored is a sale lost.

There are many other ways to ruin your copy – and many ways to improve it.

But the vital thing to remember is this.

It costs no more to run good copy than bad. You don’t need to be a brilliant copywriter to do so. But you really must know how to tell the difference. Otherwise, you are probably strangling your sales – and killing your business.

Of course, I'm biased, but if what I've said makes sense, I suspect you'll find my membership club more than good value.

Best

Drayton

50 thoughts on “7 copywriting sins that strangle sales

  1. DunCAN

    HI Drayton,
    Love this article. I know this is a new website, how about a ‘SHARE’ button of some sort to share your wisdom to others

    DunCAN

    Reply
    1. Drayton Bird

      I am sure you are right, Duncan. The world of buttons is mystery to me. I am just getting to grips with the Morse Code. I will speak to someone here who knows what the hell should be done – which is Al.

      Reply
  2. Drayton Bird

    I will talk to my own guy about this and tell you what he says. He seems to be making me a lot of money in the way he goes about it, but maybe we can do better.

    Reply
    1. Robert Port

      I remember when our Fortune 500 company sent our Managers to Japan on tour to discover what we could do better …. A Manager asks the tour guide at a auto assembly facility why a group of workers was wearing BLACK ARMBANDS. Answer: “When you’re not pleased about something the armbands are like employees being on strike until the problem is resolved.” Imagine a strike where we don’t shut the business down. Instead you signal management that they have issues to address …………………. Call it respect for both the business & the workers and you’re probably on target ……………………. Japanese quality is to be admired. The Germans may have borrowed a page form Japan’s play book………….. Great ideas have many Fathers. but a flopped idea is usually an Orphan.

      Reply
      1. Rezbi

        The ironic thing is the Japanese system of management was based on the work of an American. He had to go over there to put his ideas into action as the Americans dismissed him.

        Reply
  3. arthur einstein

    Love your post. It’s advertising 101. But clients never seem to learn. And the battle is never won. It seems so odd that individual ego condemns people to repeat the mistakes their predecessors made, in perpetuity.

    Reply
    1. Drayton Bird

      This is for three reasons.

      1. People who come into the industry think “creative” so you can do what you think is interesting;

      2. There is no tradition of study

      3. Neither agencies nor clients invest enough on training

      Reply
  4. Helio Tavares

    After reading your post, I went back to look at my Commercial Office Cleaning in Perth website and realize how bad my copy is. The question is. how do I get an affordable copywriter to fix the main selling page content on my website? Or, should I just try to improve it myself?
    Another question is how can get hold of guerrilla marketing information. I’m really interested in this subject.
    Thank you

    Reply
    1. Drayton Bird

      I’m going to try and answer those questions and a few others here when I record some videos tomorrow with Al

      Reply
    2. Rezbi

      First problem, Helio, is that I have now been waiting for almost a minute and your site is still loading.

      Reply
  5. Rose

    “7. Not giving every sensible reason to buy – and overcoming every objection. People find this hard to believe, but most copy is too short. Every reason to buy you omit, every possible objection to buying ignored is a sale lost. ”

    This might be a terrible question, but if I don’t ask – I won’t know. Is there kind of a checklist somewhere of the reasons most people don’t buy?

    Reply
    1. Drayton Bird

      Not that I know of, because the reasons can vary so greatly depending on what you sell and to whom.

      Here are some chief ones off the top of my head:

      Too expensive for what it is.

      I can’t afford it (not the same thing).

      Too cheap (can’t believe it be any good at that price).

      It doesn’t do what I want.

      I don’t believe you.

      Too slow.

      Too complicated.

      I can’t understand what you’re talking about.

      Not right for me.

      Ugly.

      Heavy.

      Too fragile.

      Unreliable.

      Doesn’t suit me.

      My wife/husband/partner/mother/father/friends/society/the law/boss won’t let me/disapprove/will laugh at me/put me in jail.

      I don’t believe you.

      I can’t wait that long.

      Tried something similar – it didn’t work.

      Bought from you before; you let me down.

      No money back guarantee.

      No guarantee at all.

      I want to try it first.

      It’s not fashionable.

      It’s too fashionable for me.

      It’s old-fashioned.

      It will make me look old.

      Doesn’t suit my figure.

      Reply
      1. damali

        Dear Drayton
        This a good teaching , But i still fine some challenges in wining customer even though I trill to avoid this seven sins

        Reply
      2. Rik Shafer

        “My wife/husband/partner/mother/father/friends/society/the law/boss won’t let me/disapprove/will laugh at me/put me in jail.“

        Ha. That covers about 75% of life’s motivations. And I’m making up that statistic.

        Reply
  6. Josie Aplin

    These are excellent tips.

    I wish more creative industries would take note of these. I met a marketing exec at a networking event last week and got a generic email from him later that day, boasting about his business and their new shiny offices. All the time I was reading it – I kept thinking, ‘I don’t care about you!!!’

    Another one I would add, which I know is obvious but it drives me mad, is failing to proofread and spellcheck your copy. It’s so embarrassing reading a marketing company’s copy and they have used the wrong spelling for ‘stationery’ for example. Cringe!!

    Thanks again, great post!!

    Reply
    1. Kim

      Josie, I agree with you 100%. I too find reading copy full of syntax errors and spelling mistakes unbelievable. Does anyone proofread these days? Or, is it that it’s accepted and you have to get over yourself. When I texted my daughter about it, she wrote, “There, their, they’re.” I cut her allowance 25%!

      Reply
  7. Kain

    Terrific advice as always Drayton.
    I agree with the requests above for “social sharing” buttons.

    To Helio from Perth, we can help you transform your to website copy into copy which sells and drives more inquiry for your business in a cost effective manner

    Contact us at info@marketingcatalyst.com.au for a free consultation.

    Cheers
    Kain

    Reply
    1. Tony

      Kain

      Perhaps when you are asking for the business you can provide a REAL person’s email. Or ask if there is an email address you can contact them at. Using info@ is so impersonal and doesn’t scream “let me help”

      Reply
  8. Dhhikusooka Moses

    true! especially people in Africa still don’t know that a customer is king and should be given critical attention.

    Reply
  9. yaqub

    Hi drayton,

    Thanks for the though provoking article, very nicely prepared and easily understood in simple language. well done please keep me posted.

    Reply
  10. Greg Soutter

    We are currently in the throws of a full brand refresh and whilst the look and feel of the property has been photographed and videos done, we have a great opportunity to look at all copy on websites, print media, brochures, and sales collateral. Your article has come at a most opportune time to assist us avoid the deadly sins you speak of. Thank you for sharing!!!
    This may be a loaded question, but I do have to ask. Are you aware of any reliable, true to form agencies in South Africa who subscribe to this thinking??

    Reply
    1. Drayton Bird

      No, but I have a friend there, Alastair Tempest, who may. The old Ogilvy agency was very good – I don’t know if they are now.If you do a bit of online research and send me what you think may be possibles I will look at their websites. That often gives you an idea if they have a clue. Somewhere I have a piece about choosing agencies. I think it’s in Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing. I coiuld easily do a video on the subject.

      I am in New York right now,, about to leave, but if you write to Kelly@draytonbird.com she’ll remind me and I’ll do it when I get back to Bristol

      Reply
  11. Ian

    Funny. I was just planning my web site and had a nice little menu of “Our services, Our values, Our opinion, Our door is always open”.

    Fails on two of the seven points (talking about ourselves and being clever), and I’m only at the navigation.

    Start again!

    Reply
  12. Shad Drury

    Drayton,

    I love your work, and would like to help bring about more awareness and attention to it. My offer is, with your permission of course, to share some of your posts / threads from here, and throughout your other social media outlets with my audience of readers on my blog.

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    I am confident that your work would be a great asset to them. Take a peek at my website and touch base with me to let me know what you think.

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    Reply
  13. Barbara Eberhart

    Just to let you know, I am an Artist, so who would think all of this would be so helpful and fascinating to me? I have a 3-month solo exhibit coming up, and writing
    promos and a talk for the opening reception. Great timing, as I re-wrote much of it today. Can’t thank you enough!! ps, would love to know what you think of
    my website, and my brand idea “painting peace, joy and serenity, one flower at a time” since I paint flowers a lot. Anyway, Thanks again, I am a new woman!

    Reply
    1. Drayton Bird

      I think selling art is damn hard. Either people like it, or they don’t. But I don’t think you say enough. People buy from people. People like to know where artists get their inspiration from.

      A brilliant essay by Tom Wolfe called The Painted Word explains how much modern art has been sold by what has been said about the art. IT is an attack on much art, but nevertheless the point he makes is important and valid.

      I get weird emails every day from The Mischief Memoirs which sell artistic endeavours of one kind or another. I bet she does well because she never stops sending stuff.

      Best

      Drayton

      Reply
  14. Miguel Braga

    I am going to make a LinkedIn publication, using the 7th point you referred above, swiping the famous John Caples piano ad: “They Laughed When I Said “You Need Clients Not Branding”–But When I Shown Them The Results!”. Basically showing Direct Response is the solution and not Branding.

    Reply
    1. Rezbi

      When you swipe you need to make sure the swipe actually works. In your example, I don’t think it does.

      Maybe try something else?

      Also, as Drayton has pointed out, trying to change people’s minds about branding is not as easy as showing people you can play the piano.

      Reply
  15. Greg Harrison Clay

    Good morning, Mr. Bird.

    Thanks for putting this video and article together. As someone new to copywriting (3.5 yrs), and a little worn out y all the “experts” out there, it was nice to hear from an ACTUAL expert.

    #5 especially stood out to me. Even though it’s obvious, it was a great reminder. I logic my way out of buying shit all day long : D

    Anyway, thanks again. I’ll definitely be staying tuned to your content.

    Reply

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